Don't Take Your Toilet Seat For Granted and Other Lessons I Learned in France

I'm baaaack. I am well-rested, well-fed, and ready to blog. I'm thinking this may even end up being a 2 post-a-day kind of a day. We'll see. I don't want to put the wine before the grapes if you know what I'm saying. (I don't think that French play-on-a-cliche works as well in writing as it did in my head.)

Before I get back to blog posts of great substance and importance, I thought I'd share a little of what I learned on my 9 day excursion.

1. Five years ago, when I lived in Italy for 4 months, I learned an important lesson: Don't take your toilet seat or your toilet paper for granted. Somehow, when I think back on my days in Italia and the Tuscan countryside, that lesson isn't in the forefront of my mind. However, after an 8 hour plane ride and 3 hour car ride, it suddenly came rushing back to me as we pulled over to a "public restroom" also known as a "hole in the ground" with four walls around it. T.M.I.? I don't think so. I think this is a lesson everyone should heed. Toilet seats are privileges and you don't know how much you will miss them until you can't have them anymore. Just like ice water.

2. You don't put ice in your beverages in France.



3. Salted Caramel ice cream is heaven on earth. Why doesn't Ben & Jerry's have this flavor? Where can I buy this? Seriously, anyone?

4. It is possible to watch Law & Order 24 hrs a day in the U.S...well, it is ALSO possible in France. I didn't turn the hotel TV on often but the 3 times I did...LAW & ORDER. Except it is called New York District. Also, it is good to see that out of all the quality U.S. TV shows, Jersey Shore and The Hills are deemed worthy of "going international." The French Heidi Montag's voice is just as annoying as the American Heidi Montag's voice.

5. It is really easy to spot Americans. Look for "loud" t-shirts, fanny packs, and beer bellies. The more they try to fit in (present company included) the more they stick out. They also speak REALLY loudly.  It was really depressing when I would try to show off my French at a restaurant. I would walk in and confidently say "Bonjour!" to which they would immediately switch to English and say "table for 3?" I failed at bonjour. There was really nowhere to go from there.

6. French people REALLY don't get fat. That wasn't just a clever book title. One of our first stops was to a small French town that had a limited amount of tourists. After passing by 6 bakeries on one street, my dad said, "Where do they hide all the fat people?" For real, though. I think if you live in France, you CAN'T get fat. You won't be able to go anywhere. Staircases are narrower, cars are smaller, doorways are thinner. We later found larger people....they were called Americans. I won't hold my breath waiting for Biggest Loser:
Paris.

7. French people are nice! All I heard before my trip was, Parisians hate Americans. French people are so mean to Americans. They will mock you and make fun of you and not help you. Perhaps they did mock me and make fun of me, but they didn't do it to my face. There are probably people here that mock me and make fun of me. I think this rumor got started because a few people came across a few Parisians on a bad day. Everyone we encountered was kind, helpful, and eager to talk about their town, Parisians included. I think it helps if you don't go around assuming everyone can and should speak English and accommodate your American habits.

8. The Eiffel Tower really is phenomenal to see. I was afraid, since it is such an icon, that the Eiffel Tower would be somewhat of a let down. It is not. If you haven't seen it, then you need to do that. I also recommend going at sunset and drinking red wine out of plastic hotel cups. Just a thought...

 

9. If Rick Steves was 20 years younger and not a dork, I would be madly in love with him. The man is a travel God. Never second guess his advice. He will never steer you wrong. Thanks, Rick (or as my dad called him "Steve") for the delicious meals, shorter lines, and street smart advice.  

10. The GPS is "the other woman" in my parents' relationship. I've known this about the American GPS woman (who my mom argues with and my dad relentlessly defends), but the French GPS woman was a whole other breed. I think we were all sort of in love with her. I have never known a feeling of fear like that of when our GPS lady almost died. It had been 6 days, the The Lady (her official name) had gotten us safely across France, at times even leading us through dirt roads and cornfields. Then, as we started to drive into Paris, the unthinkable happened. It was tense, people were honking, my mom had even shut up so my dad could pay attention to The Lady.  Then, The Lady politely said, "Satellite Lost" and was gone. There was a collective GASP from all three of us in the car. We were out there alone. She quickly regained consciousness and we were back on our way, but those 10 seconds were agonizing. Like our toilet seats, we learned to appreciate her a little more for all she'd done for us.