This Will Change Your Life...IN SECONDS!

I don't have cable. For many people this is shocking because I am a TV addict. I always have been. In fact, when I would come home from school, I had a line up: Saved By The Bell (2 episodes on TBS), California Dreams (Thanks, WGN), then my attention turned to...Roseanne, Married with Children, and Night Court. Seriously.Could I have selected three more inappropriate television shows to round out my evening?
I didn't understand any of their jokes. I just thought Peg Bundy's big red hair and crazy clothes were HILARIOUS.

 Don't blame my parents...they thought I was doing my homework or watching Disney Channel (which I did frequently watch Kids Incorporated and Mickey Mouse Club). I was very stealth in my TV habits. In my defense, I still did well in school, got all my homework done, and was in bed by 8:00p.m. Some say TV rots your brain, I think it teaches you time management.

Fast forward 15 years: no cable. My roommate moved, I got a higher-rent apartment and it was either cable or student loans. I feared the government demanding their money more than missing Project Runway and my DVR. So, a difficult decision had to be made. 

I bought a $20 antenna so I could get the basics (ABC, NBC, etc.) and a $30 cord to hook my TV to my laptop (God bless you, Hulu).

It works. I haven't had symptoms of withdrawal yet.

The only problem I've encountered is...Saturday morning.

I could hook my computer up to the TV and watch Hulu. But, on Saturday mornings, I'm usually feeling pretty lazy. That means, I migrate from my bed to my couch where I flip on the TV. Do you know what you are privileged enough to see on Saturday mornings when you don't have cable? Dora The Explorer, That's So Raven, aaand...the point of this blog...INFOMERCIALS.

I have found a special place in my heart for infomercials. Since today marks the middle of the week, and we can start thinking towards weekends, I thought I'd give shout-outs to some old favorites that don't get nearly enough airtime any more...

1. The Forearm Forklift

Why would I ever hire movers again? All I need are four good forearms. Genius.(I truly am fascinated by this one). Those poor guys when their mattress falls over the railing! Oooh NO! That doctor likes it for her husband because she is concerned about his back. If she is really that concerned, maybe could help him out. The commercial also says it "makes a great gift!" While I find the simplicity interesting, don't get me Forearm Forklifts as a gift. Ever.

2. The Gazelle

A classic. P90X has nothing on The Gazelle. I still crack up every time their legs go moving like crazy. It's like they are separate from their bodies. Not to mention, the ponytail and the spandex. Too much spandex.

3. Slap Chop

You guys! You can dice, chop and mince! I mean, come on! You can do it all...in seconds! Your salads will never be the same. You can turn any food into coleslaw...in SECONDS. Turkey slaw. Vanilla wafer slaw. Burrito slaw. The possibilities are endless. Plus, as he says "Your life is going to be very exciting!" Although, he also says "You're gonna love my nuts!" Er, what?